The first rule of event organizing is: Never get Eddie Jordan drunk and hand him a microphone.
It's up there with letting Mahmoud Ahmadinejad address students at Columbia. Potentially dangerous, but cover-your-eyes funny.
"This is what we think of Max Mosley" is EJ's opening gambit, his middle finger held aloft for all to see. There are some cheers of support from the back of the room. Those of us sat at tables at the front of the stage - many of us working in F1 - glance behind, paranoid that this might be a trap.
But no, it's just Eddie trying his hand at stand-up and launching into a smutty speech about how he'd like to be spanking hookers at a pensionable age too.
Jordan was the first entertainment act at this year's Grand Prix Ball, and I was invited on to the top table by title sponsor TW Steel, who make those really massive watches.
Rumour has it that TW Steel are looking to do an F1 sponsorship deal. I wondered whether that might entail a FOM deal similar to TW Steel's A1 GP sponsorship. However, one of TW Steel's managers told me they are actually talking to teams instead. And Red Bull and Renault's commercial managers were both on the table next to mine, so I guess it's them they're talking to.
Usually the ball is held at Stowe School. I went to Stowe and, having successfully avoided it for 15 years, joked to the chap that invited me that I wasn't sure I was ready to return. "Actually it's being held at a place called Boycott Manor instead", he said. How apt!
Actually I did nip up to Stowe over the weekend just to see the gaff and check out my old dorm. I paid a visit to the school's chapel, and there I found a book in which pupils could leave prayers (er, yeah...). The last entry read 'Please God, don't let me get swine flu. Amen.' I thought it was a joke, but then found out the whole reason the event was being held up the road at Boycott Manor was because one pupil had contracted the epidemic.
There were various performers, including Mica Paris and Kid Creole and the Coconuts - who were actually really good. It was like time traveling back to the 80s. In his purple suit and flat-top hat, Creole looked a bit like Prince's pimp father. Which has to be cool, doesn't it?
The main event was a beauty pageant. At each race on the A1 Grand Prix tour, a Miss TW Steel had been chosen. The seven girls on stage comprised Miss China, Miss Holland, Miss Portugal, Miss Australia/New Zealand, Miss Malaysia, Miss South Africa and Miss UK. The judging panel included EJ, Rick Parfitt Jr, and Caprice who lent the girls not-a-lot for the swimsuit round. Yes, try eating dinner with all that going on.
We all thought Miss Australia/New Zealand had it in the bag but a surprise decision by the judges gave it to Miss Portugal, who thanked her mum and walked off with a $25,000 cheque.
At the end of the night our table was presented with a big metal briefcase full of watches, and we were invited to help ourselves. So I've now blagged myself a rather nice chronograph with a brown leather strap. In F1, wearing The Big Watch is very important - the ultimate status accessory. If only they handed out world titles for timepieces, Ralf Schumacher would be a seven times champion.
I heard the Grand Ball was a good event, however the company that charlie feather owns (Event Vision) despite earning £116,000 that evening have failed to pay some of those that helped make it happen ..... not quite Formula 1 but a very bad formula!
Yes, I gather this is true. Rick Parfitt Jr was there arguing with Charlie, demanding his band be paid or else they wouldn't go on. I left quite early so I'm unsure if it was resolved. But it was clear there was a cash flow problem and Event Vision may not have a healthy future.
Charlie Feather sold his company to a another company called Chequers Consortium Ltd based in MIlton Keynes and they have also avoided payment to key suppliers including the actual charity (Royal Air Ambulance)!! well out of order and i think this company may be dodgy - do NOT deal with them or event vision, so unfair to the charity!
The Swine flu - of which Stowe had several cases - had absolutely nothing to do with the ball not being held in our grounds. This is the excuse that the dishonest Mr. Feather latched onto. The school was up and running by the time of the ball. The truth is that he'd owed Stowe money and we refused to do any more business with him. It is disgusting the way he operates. All ill-got gains.
They are most certainly dodgy, trust me. The chequers consortium company also is linked to Corporate Solutions of Milton Keynes, so they need to be avoided at all costs as well.
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